I blame this all on Thomas, it's all his fault. In class today he was trying to say, My shirt is black: mi camiseta es negra, but instead he said, mi camiseta esta negra, which translates to my shirt is angry. thus giving me inspiration to write this (actually most of this I just wrote, right now). By the way the only spanish word in this poem is salir the verb to go out.
CL
blame it on ghandi aka your shirt is angry
your shirt is angry
and your guitar is sore
from all the plucking from salir-outted fingers
you're not like any of the emo boys I've met. You're
callous and sure; tears are faithful and slippery when wet
you sit on your beach, with your shades on and smile big smiles
in the shade of your car you draw twinkleshapes in the whitesummersand
I never met you before this though to hear us: ages have we bickered and bayed
your shirt is angry
and your guitar is sore
from all the songs you've kept from me
your spanish is paisley and your costume is white
and
memories are all that keep us together
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Canary word: Present
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'bickered and bayed' wants to be 'bickered and brayed'. it makes more sense gramatically, but poems like this don't really need to make sense, now do they?
I like it.
That is really cool...you stuck with your inspiration throughout (my shirt is angry...
).
' ages have we bickered and bayed'
That was the only really clunky line. Perhaps change it to something like 'bickering and baying for ages'. Shorter.
MY SHIRT IS ANGRY!!
Wow... I really, really like this. It's kind of detached and somewhat vague, but the imagery is marvelous. I especially liked:
"you sit on your beach, with your shades on and smile big smiles
in the shade of your car you draw twinkleshapes in the whitesummersand"
It was cool how you smashed the words together, but I got a really neat image in my mind when I read it. Really vivid. This actually just gave me an idea for a part in a story I was stuck on, as well as an idea for a poem. Thanks!
*gives you a large cookie for giving me some inspiration* You rock my socks, CL.